| Platform | Nintendo Switch |
| Release Date | 11/15/22 |
| Cost | $6.43 |
| Publisher | Smashbyte Games |
| ESRB Rating | E |
Martial Knight isn’t a game. It’s a kung-fu training program that promises you’ll gain “gain fitness, strength and personal power!” Hint: You won’t. Their website tells you: “You can acquire the martial arts techniques that you see in the DC and Marvel super hero movies.” Hint: You won’t. I’ll go even further and say you shouldn’t practice these moves against real people. You’ll get your ass kicked.
So first things first, you load up Martial Knight and it tells you to disconnect the joycons, this can only be played in tabletop or docked mode. I disconnect the joycons, and put the switch in the dock. Then it tells me to place the joycons on a surface nearby. Ok. Then I load up my first training program:
Then you actually start the training:
You do the on screen command for one minute. Then move on to the next move, complete all five and you move on to the next training. There’s no in depth tutorial, no form correction. It says you’re graded, but I’m not sure how with no way to grade you. I’m not even sure the 3d avatar instructors were motion captured, so I have no idea if they’re doing it right themselves.
Watch this video to see what I mean:
This program completely fails all around. It doesn’t teach you anything and you’re not going to get in shape doing complex kung-fu moves for a minutes at a leisurely pace. It isn’t that martial arts for exercise can’t work. That’s exactly what I did for years as a teenager, working with a 3rd degree Tai-Kwan-Do black belt personal trainer. It isn’t that video game exercise programs can’t work either. The first high profile one I’m aware of, Yourself!Fitness, got me through a winter break in college where I was staying at the college and the gym was closed. It’s just that Martial Knight is so inept at everything, there’s no point.
So step up Martial Knight and take your prize, the second Hilariously Awful verdict(the first being Mini Kart Racer). You’re so bad at absolutely everything, I just can’t hate you.
Verdict: Do not try Martial Knight moves at home. Do not try the moves learned here against real attackers. In fact, do not try this at all!
Verdict: Hilariously Awful
P.S. For more Hilariously Awful games, try Flannel Amethyst!
