The Game Slush Pile

Green Soldiers Heroes Switch Review

PlatformNintendo Switch
Release Date3/2/23
PublisherIsaias Game Dev
ESRB RatingE

I have played the worst slop imaginable, but nothing has ever made me visibly shake in anger. Then I bought Green Soldiers Heroes. I am now so furious I want to curse in this review. But I will not. I’ll keep the profanity low, but oh do I want to curse. Imagine a slop shovelware title 100mb in size and sold for $20. Yes, twenty dollars, for pure, unadulterated garbage. Twenty dollars I will never, ever, get back. Twenty dollars I could have spent on far better games. The publisher is an evil, scummy company that makes other scummy publishers look legitimate.

Let’s start with the story. The government used chemicals to resurrect the dead bodies of the best soldiers. But the chemicals turned them green. They left their old lives behind and went back to the battlefield. It’s not important and plays absolutely no role in anything. Why it’s even there, I’m not sure.

Next up are the controls:

You’d think that, for twenty dollars, they’d let you run around a map shooting enemies. Nope. Green Soldiers Heroes is a shooting gallery game, aka Wild Guns: Reloaded. You kill the enemies in front of you on the screen, then move to the next. Except Wild Guns is a classic game I bought three times. Green Soldier Heroes is not. Why? A couple of reasons.

First, each mission is made up of the previous mission’s screens, plus a new screen. They recycle the same content over and over again. Second, you cannot move at all, so you cannot dodge. So if you do not kill the often tiny enemies quickly, you will get hit. Part of Wild Guns’ charm was avoiding the incoming fire, keeping you on your toes. Not here. Later missions get really hard for this reason. Third, you get coins to unlock better weapons, except they’re expensive, and you’re going to need to grind levels to get them. This gets really boring, really fast.

Green Soldiers Heroes is a scam!

Green Soldiers heroes is a scam, pure and simple. They took a ninety-nine cent game and sold it for twenty dollars. There’s no excuse. They knew exactly what they were doing, and they did not care. In a couple of weeks, after the game sells one copy (mine), they’ll discount it to ninety-nine cents and call it a deal. I’ve dealt with this publisher before, with Super Snake Block. I recommended it only if it was on sale. I can’t in good conscience do the same with this one. It’s not a deal on sale; it’s not worth it at any price. I’d even say game is worse than Reasoning of Courage, because at least that game is $1.50.

I could spend a long time singing the praises of Wild Guns: Reloaded!

The kicker is, Wild Gun: Reloaded is also twenty dollars and worth every penny. Its game play holds up, it has fun multiplayer, and one of most rocking boss themes ever! You can play it multiple times and still have fun. So yes, do yourself a favor and play Wild Guns: Reloaded. Skip Green Soldiers Heroes, because there is nothing here. Low effort. High price. Total scam. Total Garbage.

Overall: Step 1: Skip Green Soldiers Heroes. Step 2: Buy Wild Guns: Reloaded. Step 3: Have fun and forget the first game existed!

Verdict: Garbage

E-Shop Page

Update: 3/5/23.

I got the timing wrong, but I was correct about Isaias’s sales strategy:

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